The sad thing is, this is true. The wonders of the English media..
QUOTE
A Guide To Criticising Hodgson's Squad Selection
Captain: if someone who has been captain before, "predictable". If not, "wrong".
Average age of squad over 26: too old, over-reliance on the failed so-called "golden generation".
Average age of squad under 26: inexperienced/ruining our chances for the Olympics (I forget whether we care about this or not).
Goalkeepers:
Joe Hart: obvious choice and deserves no credit.
Rob Green: plays for a championship club. Only selected due to failure to persuade anyone else out of retirement, ergo poor man-management.
Ben Foster: nepotism.
Right back:
Failure to take all of Micah Richards, Glen Johnson, Kyle Walker, Phil Jones and Chris Smalling constitutes a decision, and therefore automatically a risky/wrong one.
Left back:
Ashley Cole: obvious, deserves no credit.
If a back-up is selected: unnecessary, waste of a squad place (cf. Stephen Warnock). If not: short-sighted.
Centre back:
Failure to persuade Rio and Terry to play together is poor man-management. Success is "too risky".
Central Midfield:
Gerrard: make reference to Hodgson's time at Liverpool and cast doubt on ability to get a performance out of him.
Lampard: too similar to Gerrard. If not picked, make unflattering AVB comparisons.
Scott Parker: would certainly perform better if 'Arry was manager
Carrick/Barry: boring.
Scholes: if picked, desperate. If not picked, a missed opportunity
Anyone else: an unknown quantity.
Wings:
Joe Cole: if not picked, point out that he has been playing brilliantly in France. If picked, point out that he has been rubbish in France. No-one will bother to check either way.
Ashley Young: if picked, diver that will not fool continental referees, therefore a waste of space. If not picked, point to past goalscoring form and ability to win penalties.
Adam Johnson: if picked, has hardly played for Man City this season. If not picked, has hardly played for Man City this season and would have bought much-needed freshness to the squad.
Walcott: if picked, has only ever performed that one time against Croatia. If not picked, performed that one time against Croatia.
Stewart Downing: if picked, 0 goals 0 assists. If not picked, bemoan lack of natural left-footers in the squad.
Anyone who plays for Swansea: if picked, they play for Swansea, a small club. If not, harshly overlooked.
Strikers:
Rooney: if picked, waste of a squad place. We'll be out after 2 games anyway. If not picked, have "ROO-DICULOUS!!!" headlines on standby.
Andy Carroll: if picked, has been rubbish all season. If not, has been brilliant for the last two games.
Defoe: if picked, has not played all season. If not, gifted finisher, adds freshness to the squad, 'Arry would have picked him.
Crouch: if picked, exposes England's dearth of strikers. If not, think of the wonder-goal.
Sturridge/Welbeck: if picked, inexperienced. If not, robbing the future of English football of valuable tournament experience.
For tabloid journalists, this is a handy cut-out-and keep style guide. For anyone else, combine this with a copy of next Wednesday's Sun to form a potentially lethal drinking game.
In fact, deep down inside, I just wanted him to come play for Milan. You can see my posts here when we signed him, 9 out of 10 were against the signing, thinking of him as a hot head, washed up player. I wasn't, I knew he'd gel right in and become an important player for us, because of his experience.
