[misha]

“Pavel Nedved gets on my t*ts.” (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)
The Philippe Mexes-Pavel Nedved catfight gets more like Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie every day

“Would I rather face Lazio in the Champions League or see them eliminated immediately? The latter.”Mexes believes revenge is best served as an appetiser

“Who do I think is better between Milan and Inter? I only have eyes for my Juve.”Claudio Ranieri consolidates his Mr Smooth reputation as he woos the Old Lady

“The past does not exist. As far as I am concerned, my rapport with Antonio Cassano will begin from scratch the day he arrives here for training.”Walter Mazzarri flunked history, but he has an A in Baseless Optimism

“I’ve always wanted to hear the Champions League theme tune properly, especially as when the competition started I only had a mono sound television.”Delio Rossi is more up to date now and shows off his Walkman

“This is going to be the mother of all battles. But it’s not a war.”Lazio boss Rossi meant a battle of Tiddlywinks

“There is no doubt that there is a violent history surrounding Lazio fans and we always seem to have problems.”A UEFA spokesman wants to take the faulty Biancocelesti back for a refund

“These are not our fans. They are idiots.”At least Rossi still thinks those two things are mutually exclusive

“Ronaldinho? We wait for him with open arms.”Carlo Ancelotti may have scared the Brazilian off with that image

“It is true, we have not been able to reach an agreement on personal terms with the player, but I don’t believe Messina can sell him to another club like that.”Livorno President Aldo Spinelli discovers Christian Riganò is not worth the paper his contract is printed on

“A couple of years ago I nearly went to Juventus. People spoke to me about Turin and told me Milan would be a nicer place to go. I told them I wasn’t going for the shops, I am going because it is Juventus.”Roy Keane was unimpressed with Milan’s world famous Prawn Sandwich Emporium

“Jens changed his mind, but wasn't quick enough to respond to his brain.” (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger confirms the goalkeeper hasn't changed a bit since his brief stint with Milan after that howler against Fulham

[misha]

"I prefer your whore of a sister.”
Marco Materazzi finally reveals what made Zinedine Zidane snap in Berlin – he thought the Inter defender fancied him and had his heart broken

“I thought the words were slightly different, but either way too much importance has been put on this incident.”Marcello Lippi goes through the Thesaurus looking for other ways Materazzi could have insulted Zizou

“There are those who love him and those who hate him. I will only say that, as far as I am concerned, I will never sit at a dinner table with him.”Patrick Vieira cannot forgive Materazzi’s messy eating habits

“Francesco Totti and Alessandro Nesta’s retirement changes nothing. I can’t recall Marcel Desailly or Just Fontaine either.”This is the same Raymond Domenech who dragged Zidane and Lilian Thuram out of international retirement for the 2006 World Cup. And still lost. (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/devil.gif)

“Am I afraid of facing UEFA’s Disciplinary Committee? No, I’ve already bought the tie I will wear to attend.”If he keeps talking Domenech will turn it into a noose to hang himself with

“I know it was the Super Cup, but it was the first official match of the campaign, so we’re not all that upset.”Cristian Chivu – is he bovvered?

“I thought that the ref was going over to send off Luciano Spalletti. Then when I saw him show the card to Simone Perrotta I almost started laughing!” (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) Christian Panucci shows some team loyalty when the Roma midfielder saw red before stepping on to the field as a substitute

“It is a little over the top to talk about this as my resurrection, especially as I’m a tough one to kill.”Antonio Cassano is not so much a phoenix from the flames as Terminator (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

“My mother gave me this confidence and security right from birth that even today, after 18 months of difficulty in Madrid, makes me feel so strong.”Freudian analysis of Cassano discovers after the Ego and the Superego, there is the Out of Control Ego

“In these games, especially in August, it is very difficult to find an Italy performance that can get a decent result against any opponent. You’d have to go back years.”Gianluigi Buffon muses on the futility of Azzurri friendlies

“It is very difficult to see Emerson at Milan, but I do not feel I can exclude anything.”Adriano Galliani slams the door four days before completing the transfer

“If Real Madrid do not lower their economic demands, they must be prepared to accept the responsibility and consequences of keeping me here.”Emerson resorts to his last weapon – sulking

“I have won and lost derbies in Sweden, Portugal and Italy, but the Rome derby is something else. There are fans who haven’t even got the strength to go to work the next day if their team loses.”Sven Goran Eriksson found himself writing a lot of sicknotes for supporters

“We all hope the fans will always be this close to us, as that will mean we are doing well.”Palermo boss Stefano Colantuono knows all too well that affection must be earned in football

“I need to do better physically and perhaps in terms of concentration.”Jean-Alain Boumsong has a moment of clarity. Better late than never… (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

“Flavio Briatore wants to do for us what Mohamed Al-Fayed has done for Fulham.”Considering Gianni Paladini’s statement, QPR fans don’t know whether to celebrate or sob

“We have to rebuild a relationship with the supporters and, if it is requested, I am ready to meet their representatives.”New Palermo captain Andrea Barzagli prepares to receive an offer he can’t refuse

“A person should be worried about things he is responsible for, not things he has no control over.”Claudio Lotito takes the Zen approach over racist Lazio fans possibly getting his club booted out of Europe

“We didn’t do very well.”Carlo Ancelotti is not at all satisfied with Milan’s performance after beating Juventus 2-0 for the Trofeo Berlusconi

“We did very well in the first half-hour. This side is a work in progress and my initial impressions are good.”But Claudio Ranieri was more than happy at being on the losing side in the same game

“We know that we will be put under pressure in Bilbao, but we have to start getting into the competitive match tempo.”Considering Fiorentina had two men sent off in that friendly, Cesare Prandelli perhaps made his point a little too forcefully

“Clearly I miss Serie A, which remains the best League in the world, but the Premiership is a great stage for me to show my worth.”Rolando Bianchi sees Manchester City as Panto to Reggina’s Broadway

“We are chasing Zlatan Ibrahimovic, but he isn’t answering our calls. He must have given us the wrong number!”Torino Coach Walter Novellino can’t believe he fell for that old trick (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

[kurtsimonw]

“We didn’t do very well.”Carlo Ancelotti is not at all satisfied with Milan’s performance after beating Juventus 2-0 for the Trofeo Berlusconi

“We did very well in the first half-hour. This side is a work in progress and my initial impressions are good.”But Claudio Ranieri was more than happy at being on the losing side in the same game

(IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

Thanks mishale!

[misha]

“I’ll only say that you don’t kick someone up the backside for no reason, do you?”A philosophical quandary from Catania Coach Silvio Baldini after booting Parma boss Mimmo Di Carlo in the world’s most childish touchline brawl

“I am the first to apologise for setting a poor example. Perhaps the heat set something off in Baldini’s brain.”Di Carlo – bruised in both pride and buttock – notes the importance of tacticians wearing baseball caps

“I don’t apologise to Di Carlo because he doesn’t deserve it. He provoked me. I ask for forgiveness from the President, the players and the city. I also apologise to the Parma fans – it wasn’t you I aimed a kick at.”Baldini buys a pair of pointy-toed cowboy boots for the return leg

“Baldini should be ashamed of himself. If he was my Coach, I’d fire him on the spot.”What Parma President Tommaso Ghirardi doesn’t realise is that he’d probably get a kicking as well if he tried that

“Well he’s not the Catania President. I am.”Antonio Pulvirenti prizes his posterior and therefore backs away

“You will see Ronaldo very soon and it will be a surprise for everyone. He looks like a model and will have a great season.”Carlo Ancelotti reveals Milan have not only put Il Fenomeno on thyroid pills, but also sent him to a dentist and a plastic surgeon (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

“If I make a mistake, then I make a mistake. That is all. Why should I apologise and to who? Recognising my errors does not mean saying sorry.”Antonio Cassano dissects an attitude that makes a toddler look mature

“Genoa has the Torta Sorriso, a cake that makes me pile on weight. It is incredibly tasty, but a disaster for my waistline. Look at the state of me already!”Will Cassano discover a thyroid condition as well, or is it merely Cake Retention?

“A couple of years ago when I was at the peak of my powers and Inter weren’t doing very well, I didn’t dump them, did I?”Adriano discovers it’s never a good idea to stay in a relationship out of pity (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

“Scudetto is a challenging word.”Francesco Totti’s literacy lessons are really starting to pay off (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

“Juventus-Livorno will end 1-1. My heart tells me that’s the result.”It’s fortunate Cristiano Lucarelli is out of the country after his beloved Amaranto lose 5-1 in Turin…

“I am happy with my players, but after the fifth goal I wanted to head butt every one of them.”We’d hate to see how Nando Orsi treats the Livorno squad when he’s unhappy!

“I couldn’t take it anymore. At a certain stage I wanted to just end it with football.”Emerson called up the Soccer Samaritans after he was frozen out at Real Madrid

“We’re like a hospital at the moment.”Lazio President Claudio Lotito calls in the Red Cross after yet another injury setback

“I’ll admit that when I was at Empoli I didn’t like Pavel Nedved, but now I know him better I can see that he is a completely different person.”Sergio Almiron wasn’t the only person to find the hair off-putting

“In the infinite history of Juventus, Serie B represents only 30 difficult seconds between successes.”Michel Platini paraphrases Andy Warhol, believing every club will eventually have its 30 seconds of shame

“A game with the likes of Milan will help us understand just what we’re made of.”Considering Genoa lost 3-0, Gian Piero Gasperini, we’re guessing the main ingredient is jelly (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/cool.gif)

“It is crazy to play at 15.00 in August and then in the evening in January.”Gigi Cagni is the only man in Italy who would prefer a British summer

“The Coppa Italia is nothing but an annoyance for us.”Livorno patron Aldo Spinelli needs to work on his morale-building team talk

“I've come to Middlesbrough for the shopping." Former Roma flop Mido proves he does have a sense of humour after all, but he'd be well advised to avoid Sunderland boss Roy Keane in the next Tees-Wear derby.

"I just think they were taking the p***. Maybe some of them were drunk or something." And then endears himself to Boro's other local rivals Newcastle after their fans' alleged racist chanting in the recent game between the two sides.

[KillerMax]

I have to say, people who write these stuff are horribly terrible at being a comic. I mean it's not that they are bad, they are SO BAD, that sometimes I wanna cry when I read their stuff. Someone send them a tape of Conan O'Brien or Craig Ferguson's show or something. Hell, even dst is MIIIIIIIIIIIIIILES better than them. Maybe we should have a little fun of our own and write our own column? (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

This post has been edited by pKillerMax: Sep 2 2007, 08:18 PM

[dst]

Conan O'Brien

He's so freaking funny!! (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/king.gif)

Maybe we should have a little fun of our own and write our own column?  (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

Great idea!! Now let's see...

[bigmacmtl]

"We have three 'striker strikers', today Pato arrived in Milan, he's our fourth 'striker striker', then we have half-strikers or three-quarter strikers who are Kaká and Seedorf and they are the ones we will continue using in the league, the Champions League, and especially in the Club World Cup in December." - Galliani

he's talking as if pato can now play for us, last time i checked in order to include him as a member of the team he has to be able to playf or you first (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif)

seedorf a 3/4s striker? is this guy drunk? i guess that makes gattuso a 1/5 striker and inzaghi a 1/7 defender (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif)

This post has been edited by bigmacmtl: Sep 4 2007, 07:37 PM

[dst]

And Dida is 1/2 a striker too... for the opposition team!! (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

*runs to hide*

[bigmacmtl]

And Dida is 1/2 a striker too... for the opposition team!! (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

*runs to hide*

(IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:http://cyrus.medialayer.net/~m1ke/milanfan.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

[bigmacmtl]

"We have three 'striker strikers', today Pato arrived in Milan, he's our fourth 'striker striker', then we have half-strikers or three-quarter strikers who are Kaká and Seedorf and they are the ones we will continue using in the league, the Champions League, and especially in the Club World Cup in December." - Galliani

Shall we translate from galliani language (BSing) to plain english?