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“The Lega Calcio must not be perceived as an association of criminals.�
Why change such a long-running Italian tradition, Antonio Matarrese?

“If I join a private club, then I have to respect the rules. I can’t just steal the silverware and then complain.�
FIGC chief Guido Rossi carries his SWAG bag out of Calciopoli.

“I didn’t like reading some comments my fellow tacticians made about Roberto Donadoni. They were particularly nasty and disguised a bit of jealousy at what he has achieved.�
Walter Novellino identifies Azzurri Envy.

“My life has changed. I am happy and relaxed. I owe all of that to Roberto Baggio.�
Sebastien Frey embraces Buddhism and the Divine Ponytail’s teachings.

“I don’t understand why Juventus continue to maintain Mauro Camoranesi has accepted Serie B. It isn’t true.�
Keeping everyone thoroughly confused, it’s Camoranesi’s agent Sergio Fortunato.

“We now only need to understand what Juve’s position will be.�
Dear Mr Fortunato, I think they want him to stay…

“I cannot wait to pull on this mythical Bianconeri jersey.�
Jean-Alain Boumsong seeks the Holy Grail of football shirts.

“I used to play for a team as a child called Juventus. It must be fate.�
But was he any good for them? The worrying Bianconeri faithful ask…

“Alain is a real defender. He has great athletic qualities, although he did struggle last season.�
Juventus boss Didier Deschamps confirms that he did actually see Boumsong at Newcastle last season.

“We still consider the fact we had to play this preliminary round as an injustice, but we’re back where we belong now.�
Don’t do it, Carlo Ancelotti, don’t start singing ‘Up where we belong’!

“We made some silly mistakes and they cost us the game.�
Chievo Coach Bepi Pillon identifies the difference between a successful team and a losing one.

“I hope that Juventus stay in Serie B – especially because of the joy it gives us ant-Juventini.�
Aldo Agroppi – he’s all heart…

“Why did I choose the 17 shirt? Because one plus seven makes eight, which I didn’t want to take off Alberto Aquilani.�
Roma’s David Pizarro – who said footballers are stupid?


Football Italia

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“We will have to see what happens now, because David Suazo has already signed for us.�
Considering he was still under contract with Cagliari, Inter chief Massimo Moratti has probably just talked himself into a hefty fine

“He never called me. That’s a lie.�Moratti insists Cagliari patron Massimo Cellino is stalking him like some deranged Eastenders character

“Cagliari Calcio announce that they will provide printouts of the telephone calls made from the club headquarters in Viale La Plaia.�Here’s hoping the Sardinians won’t also release transcripts of saucy text messages they sent to Moratti

“Moratti missed a great opportunity to stay quiet. I, however, don’t want to break my silence on this matter.�Cellino takes a vow of silence by telling everyone about his decision not to speak

“I have nothing to say. You can work it all out with your own brains.�Milan transfer guru Adriano Galliani is running the Suazo saga as an elaborate game of Cluedo

“Real Madrid want Kaka? I want to date Monica Bellucci, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.�Agent Ernesto Bronzetti warns the Brazilian is out of Real’s League…

“I’d love to meet Alberto Aquilani so I could inform him he has a very powerful shot.�Teenage fan Denzel Westenberg points out the fairly obvious after Aquilani’s free kick broke his wrist

“I imagined the taste of the next Scudetto. It’s more or less an advertising slogan – some things are just priceless. It was a delicious feeling.�Gianluigi Buffon puts Juve’s title on his credit card. Of course that was what got them demoted in the first place…

“It was an inevitable purgatory, as Serie B was the only way to make Juve likeable again in the eyes of the public.�Buffon notes it was either that or the stocks in the town square

“Didier Deschamps is still calling some players in a bid to destabilise the locker room atmosphere.�Agent Vincenzo Morabito tells tales on the stirring Frenchman

“I wanted to change some things and express my ideas, but they did not let me and so I decided to quit.�Former Juventus director Marco Tardelli shows he’s not too old to sulk

“I too feel that I was robbed of two Scudetti.�Gennaro Gattuso fills out his insurance form after Calciopoli

“The two Presidents just need to sit down and talk it over, as the rest has been agreed.�Marco Amelia’s agent Carlo Pallavicino says it’s all set for a Lazio move

“I don’t know anything about this affair.�… but someone forgot to tell Biancocelesti President Claudio Lotito

“It’s very clear to everyone, we really don’t like the English. They get on our nerves for a whole series of reasons.�If you didn’t believe Sinisa Mihajlovic before the game – and brawl – with Serbia, then you do now

“Some have said my cousin turned up to this tournament rather than the Rosinaldo of Torino.�Will the real Alessandro Rosina please stand up?

“This season we achieved a miracle, as I often felt like a salmon swimming upstream.�Fabio Capello felt there was something fishy going on at Real Madrid

“Cristiano Ronaldo is without doubt the best player in England, but that’s a long way off being the best in the world.�Pele is evidently not a fan of the Premiership

“The first Copa Libertadores match was on Thursday, the day after we were in the stands for Nueva Chicago-River Plate, another two encounters on Saturday and three on Sunday.�It’s a hard life scouting for new Catania Coach Silvio Baldini

"The Italians gave us pasta, now they've given us chips."Sky Sports News' Mike Wedderburn's take on Graziano Pelle's chipped penalty against Portugal.