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“The Lega Calcio must not be perceived as an association of criminals.�
Why change such a long-running Italian tradition, Antonio Matarrese?

“If I join a private club, then I have to respect the rules. I can’t just steal the silverware and then complain.�
FIGC chief Guido Rossi carries his SWAG bag out of Calciopoli.

“I didn’t like reading some comments my fellow tacticians made about Roberto Donadoni. They were particularly nasty and disguised a bit of jealousy at what he has achieved.�
Walter Novellino identifies Azzurri Envy.

“My life has changed. I am happy and relaxed. I owe all of that to Roberto Baggio.�
Sebastien Frey embraces Buddhism and the Divine Ponytail’s teachings.

“I don’t understand why Juventus continue to maintain Mauro Camoranesi has accepted Serie B. It isn’t true.�
Keeping everyone thoroughly confused, it’s Camoranesi’s agent Sergio Fortunato.

“We now only need to understand what Juve’s position will be.�
Dear Mr Fortunato, I think they want him to stay…

“I cannot wait to pull on this mythical Bianconeri jersey.�
Jean-Alain Boumsong seeks the Holy Grail of football shirts.

“I used to play for a team as a child called Juventus. It must be fate.�
But was he any good for them? The worrying Bianconeri faithful ask…

“Alain is a real defender. He has great athletic qualities, although he did struggle last season.�
Juventus boss Didier Deschamps confirms that he did actually see Boumsong at Newcastle last season.

“We still consider the fact we had to play this preliminary round as an injustice, but we’re back where we belong now.�
Don’t do it, Carlo Ancelotti, don’t start singing ‘Up where we belong’!

“We made some silly mistakes and they cost us the game.�
Chievo Coach Bepi Pillon identifies the difference between a successful team and a losing one.

“I hope that Juventus stay in Serie B – especially because of the joy it gives us ant-Juventini.�
Aldo Agroppi – he’s all heart…

“Why did I choose the 17 shirt? Because one plus seven makes eight, which I didn’t want to take off Alberto Aquilani.�
Roma’s David Pizarro – who said footballers are stupid?


Football Italia

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“A carpenter scored against me? At least I made his dream come true.�
Buffon hosts a new edition of Gigi’ll Fix It

“If I had conceded another goal then I would have walked off!�But there are limits to how many wishes he’ll grant in the Faroe Islands

“The idea was to find space between the lines, but as the Faroe Islands played so very deep there really wasn’t a gap!�Alessandro Del Piero discovers the flaw in their tactical plans

“I want to see my team play the opening 20 minutes like they’re out for blood.�Roberto Donadoni has been reading Dracula’s Guide to Football

“I will be ready for Italy’s important matches.�Francesco Totti won’t get out of bed for just any opponent, you know

“If I had been the Italy Coach I would have told Totti to just shut up and play.�UEFA President Michel Platini takes the diplomatic approach to international football management

“I don’t think the role of Italy Coach is compatible with Platini’s current position.�Roberto Donadoni points out a conflict of interest – namely that someone is after his job

“We decided to be chaste until our wedding night. It wasn’t easy, as of course I am a normal guy, but I think that if our lives together are so wonderful now it is also because we waited.�Kaka consolidates his role as the ideal son-in-law for every football fan

“Cristiano Lucarelli just likes to be courted.�Livorno patron Aldo Spinelli unveils his latest negotiation strategy – moonlight serenades

“You simply don’t say no to a club like Juventus. And I didn’t!�Claudio Ranieri received an offer he could not refuse…

“The idea is to face Manchester United as soon as possible and be on the same level as them in the standings.�It might be easier for Claudio Ranieri to achieve that aim now that he is at Juventus rather than Manchester City

“The derby? I welcome Torino back to Serie A…�Claudio Ranieri forgets which side of the city was playing in the second tier

“Andrea Barzagli is not for sale when it comes to Fiorentina.�Palermo sporting director Rino Foschi warns this is a local club for local people, there’s nothing for you here!

“I am not afraid of competition. If it is fair and the player who is in the best shape goes on to the field, then I have no problems.�Actually, that tends to be when Alberto Gilardino finds himself on the bench at Milan

“If Gilardino feels he needs to go, then there’s no reason why we can’t help him achieve that aim.�Can you hear Carlo Ancelotti’s heart breaking? No?

“It is often said that Inzaghi is in love with the goal, but the truth is that the goal is in love with him.�Ancelotti explains the key to Pippo’s success – he is the Calcio Casanova

“After that match [1-0 win at Roma in Week 3] the championship was as good as over…�Hernan Crespo sets a new first for complacency

“With my arrival Torino will become as competitive as Inter, Roma and Milan!�Even Alvaro Recoba is making jokes about his inability to affect teams. Rather sad, when you think about it

“Last summer, when I called up the team to tell them that we were forced to review our plans because of the Champions League preliminaries, it took Inzaghi just three hours to reach Milanello.�Milan Vice-President Adriano Galliani reveals SuperPippo has his own Batsignal

“For a moment I even thought I might be a candidate for permanent replacement as I have done the hard graft and know the club very well.�Juve caretaker boss Giancarlo Corradini. Who? Exactly…