Welcoming Home A Chubby Genius...


There is this guy - how do you say it without being rude? - a well-built chap, who has been at the top of his trade for years, but is facing a challenge. In the autumn he will be 31, and some say he's let himself go a tad. It seems that people are losing faith in him, especially his Italian boss. Perhaps he feels the need to prove himself all over again, and to do that he needs to go somewhere he can feel loved and express himself. Maybe he should go home, or to a second home, to do just that.

This well-rounded phenomenon is of course Ronaldo, he of 15 goals in World Cups, 15 stones and thousands of gossip column inches. Why would he need to demonstrate his worth, having scored in every major final in world football, including the decisive matches of the (take a deep breath) World Cup, Copa America, UEFA Cup, Cup Winners' Cup, Intercontinental Cup and Confederations' Cup? In fact, the only final he hasn't struck in is the Champions League, but there is still time. So what's the problem? Why has the Rio-born fella's stock fallen recently?

Last season the seemingly laid back and fun-loving number nine with a deceptively strong will to win (no matter if he named his pet dog 'Sharon Stone' or lists watching TV as a hobby, he still possesses the drive of Michael Schumacher) was plagued by injuries, and looked undeniably overweight at the World Cup, sleepwalking through the first two group ties in a tight yellow jersey which wasn't designed for a man of his carriage. The fact that he was Madrid's top scorer and netted three goals in five matches in Germany despite looking like a Brazilian version of Raymond Briggs' 'The Snowman' are mere details, brushed aside by the hordes ready to declare him a spent force.

Perhaps this is to be expected if one compares the Ronaldo of 2005 to 2007 with the lean youngster who shredded defences at will in Brazil, Holland, Spain and Italy in the last century. And it is very easy to forget the two years he had to take out of the game as recuperation for his many serious knee injuries. Having come back 'from the dead' so many times (most spectacularly to win the World Cup almost single-handedly in Japan and Korea) the double Golden Ball winner has had to change his style of play and has lost a lot of his explosive power. If people want to focus on his paunch rather than the huge scar on his kneecap, that is their prerogative.

Among those who are willing to write him off are the president of Real, Ramon Calderon, who recently said, "Ronaldo is going to be inactive because the coach has made it clear he doesn't count on him. It would be better for the club and him if he went."

That coach is the notorious hardman Fabio Capello. A renowned disciplinarian, the curly-haired ex-Roma and Juventus boss has no mercy with players he deems surplus to requirements. As Alex Del Piero found out spending a lot of the last two seasons on the bench at the Stadio delle Alpi, if 'Don' Fabio doesn't want you, there is very little you can do about it.

From day one of Capello's reign Ronie's place in the starting XI has been passed to Ruud Van Nistelrooy. This blatant rejection and bad vibes in Spain's capital, coupled with a large gap in Italy left by a certain Mr Shevchenko, created all the talk of a return to his former stamping ground, but a return with a twist, because this time the stripes in question are red and black, not blue and black.

From 1997 to 2002 he was an Interista. Now he could be on the verge of becoming a Milanista. Different team, but same stadium and same city. A city which that happens to have a special place in his heart, and may be the perfect setting for his latest renaissance. After all, he once called it his home from home. Apart from geography though, what else would suit him about a new assault on Italy's top division with the six-times European champions? Why could Ronaldo the Rossonero be something to savour?

Starting on the turf, the way the Devils play and their general attacking approach to calcio would be ideal for the heavy-set hitman. Traditionally a side which likes to go for goals, the sumptuous service would create a lot of chances. Whether it be a long-distance pass from Andrea Pirlo, a wonderful through ball from compatriot Kaka or a slick one-two with Clarence Seedorf, there will be opportunities galore. Just look at the success that the super-predator Pippo Inzagi has enjoyed in the last few years. If they put it on a plate, Ron will do the rest (on the pitch and in the restaurant).

Naturally there will be question marks over his fitness and, inevitably, weight. AC Milan have a good reputation for recuperating players, and their world-famous Milan Lab is a state-of-the-art centre designed to keep their athletes in tip-top condition. Envied by many major clubs, this space-age medical clinic saved Inzaghi's career and will be instrumental in whipping Ronie back into shape. Rest assured, there will be no pizzas, KFC Zinger Tower Burgers or Monster Munch being eaten whilst pedalling half-heartedly on the exercise bike and watching repeats of Pimp My Ride on the gymnasium tellies for the big guy.

On a lighter note, Ronaldo's sporting nemesis, Juventus, won't be around to bother him as they were in his first spell in Italy. He has aways had a bad relationship with the relegated Turin outfit - they really have made his life a misery at times. As an Inter player he accused them of bribing referees in 1998 (no-one believed him and he got a ban), and on the eve of the Madrid-Juve second round Champions League tie two seasons ago he was on the verbal attack again, promising to eliminate them personally. He was sent off for retaliation in the second leg and Real were eventually bundled out. Interestingly, Ronnie was terrified of witches as a small boy, and in adulthood it has been another 'Old Lady' that has cursed him. But they will not be around to bother him for the remainder of this season.

As if all that weren't enough, there is the fetching all-black third strip that Milan are sporting this season. Dressed in that, the chubby genius may even look sleek again.

Ronaldo's place in history as one of the greatest strikers of all time is already secured. But it could be enhanced even further if he knuckles down, rediscovers his desire and helps Kaka, Cafu and gang climb the table and even challenge for the Scudetto. A realistic target, like a return of 15 goals in his Serie A comeback at the grand old age of 30, would also silence his critics.

Whatever you think of the chunky assassin, it would be unwise to bet against him doing well. The conditions and ambience are set fair for him to prosper at AC Milan if he moves, and hopefully we will witness the return of the real Ronaldo - a panther of a footballer who appears uninterested in the game until he scents a goal, pounces with speed that would make Superman look sluggish and then lifts the trophy at the end of the game.

Sheridan Bird

Source

Fat jokes... they never get old...

That one was a killer.

poor guy!!! he is mocked everywhere

I hope he can prove everybody what he can do.
banging in goals

I think he will, this is the guy that was clearly over weight last season and was limping but still put in 16 goals. And this is playing with no support at all in that circus of a team Real had last season.

Now imagine him with Kaka, Pirlo and Seedorf behind him.

I think he will be just fine

Yes he will